Resurrecting Sex

It's clear from an initial reading that Resurrecting Sex is much like resurrecting the golf game. In fact, there are many similarities to the the anxiety reported by golfers when they suffer from performance anxiety in their swings, or on the green, most of which is caused by the inability to focus on their strokes, the feel of the game, and the concentration required to address the strategics of the game. Since that occurs with both experienced golfers as well as with newer players, male or female, it is a universal phenomenon that can benefit from relaxation and enjoyment rather than the intense overwork that often results in heightened stress and more failure. Much like the right club and the right angle, the right approach in golf or in sex makes a difference. Choke holds on the club don't often work in either golf or sex. Having always been a "gentleman's game," sizing up the green as well as the partner can make the tee-for-two-time as comfortable as the regular tee time. The difference between the right woman and the one who isn't may have more to do with the similar difference between the champion challenge courses and those that are easier, but less challenging courses. It is a matter of taste, after all, in love or in golf.

Transcending Sexual Self-Help to Greater Marital Intimacy, Feb 23, 2003

Reviewer: Leon F. Seltzer, PhD from Del Mar, CA USA

This is not simply an excellent self-help book about improving your sexual relationship. It is also an extremely wise book about relational intimacy. *Resurrecting Sex*, David Schnarch's third book, attempts to translate for the layperson many of the essential concepts elucidated originally in his groundbreaking *Constructing the Sexual Crucible*(1991).

As probably the most influential writer in the field of sexual/marital therapy today, the author further bridges the gap between sexual problems--as they have traditionally been viewed in terms of individual dysfunction--and such problems as they can much more fruitfully be perceived as reflecting an individual's (or relationship's) level of development and differentiation.

Unlike virtually all other writers in the field, Schnarch's objective is to assist people not simply in having less problematic (or anxiety-ridden) sex, but in creating the kind of physical connection achievable only through learning how to successfully *confront* one's personal anxieties--namely, through better developing the capacity for self-soothing and self-validation.

Although the book is quite readable, with lots of practical information and suggestions, it is also quite challenging. For readers are inevitably encouraged not only to take more responsibility for what may not be working in their relationship (both in and outside the bedroom), but also to go out on a "relational limb" and be with their spouse in a way that requires considerable emotional courage and self-regulation.

As idealistic as, finally, Schnarch's approach is, it is also exceedingly practical. Totally up-to-date, it covers all the most important sex devices and drugs that can, in particular situations, help with arousal and orgasm difficulties. It also discusses the various techniques that can enable people (both men and women) to overcome their sexual problems (from dyspareunia and vaginismus, to low sexual desire, erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation). But much more important than this, it focuses on how individuals can realize their potential to profoundly change their relationship to their spouse; and by doing so, help the relationship to evolve to a higher, and much more satisfying, level.

This is a book that can transform your sexual relationship from one that is conflicted, indifferent, or just barely positive, to one that is truly innovative, passionate, intimate--and even spiritual. Moreover, if readers earnestly strive to incorporate the author's challenging ideas into their lives, the book has the potential to change them at a profoundly personal level: to alter how they see themselves--not only in the context of their relationship, but from deep within as well.

Ultimately, sexual gratification and fulfillment have to do not just with the sensory stimulation a person receives--or their body's ability to respond optimally to this stimulation. It has to do with achieving an emotional bond with one's partner that itself can contribute to an improved sexual functioning that in the end becomes indistinguishable from the deepest expression of intimacy and love.

Another Jewel in a collection of priceless gems, December 16, 2002

Reviewer: A reader from Minneapolis, MN United States

First Constructing the Sexual Crucibal, then Passionate Marriage and now, Resurecting Sex. These writings are all rich with a higher knowledge of learning to know ones self, and become a much fuller person and relationship partner. All of these books will change how you see yourself, life and each other and your sexuality. And yes, his ideas really work. Really Really. David's insightful brilliance and humility is a gift to humanity from God...

A must read, October 31, 2002

Reviewer: ellenf from Birmingham, AL USA

Frustrated? Tired of the intimacy-destroying techniques we've been taught for decades? This book is a breath of fresh air.

David Schnarch offers a user-friendly approach to sexual dysfunction in this highly readable volume. He is no slouch in the area of relationship building, either. Having just returned from hearing Dr. Schnarch speak at a conference, my only regret is that the book isn't as funny as the man himself.

I think I'm in love.